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Contact with the surrogate after the birth - is it recommended or not?

The relationship with the surrogate is undoubtedly one of the most sensitive and personal issues in the surrogacy process.

In my and my spouse’s personal process, it was very important for us to always be in touch with the surrogate (but not in a harassing way - in a way that all sides were comfortable with, which also develops naturally as the process progresses). Even today when the girls are already grown, it’s important to me to speak to her every so often, to stay in touch by texting, to send birthday gifts and holiday greetings. Maybe later we’ll plan a trip to the United States with the girls and introduce the surrogate and her family to them.

I know that this woman gave us the most amazing thing we could dream of, and we have the privilege of being a family thanks to her and her family, who made it all possible. I’m proud of my family’s story and I want my girls to feel that they are unique and proud of who they are, proud of their story and the special way they were brought into this world. It’s important to me that the girls meet such rare women like the surrogate. She is the wonderful woman who carried them in her womb and cared for their health and wellbeing throughout the pregnancy, she gave birth to them, she made it all happen.

It was really important to me, and sometimes it’s hard for me to think about people who chose otherwise or for whom the circumstances of their process resulted in a disconnection or sometimes never even getting to know the surrogate (processes in Far East Asia, for example). However, I understand that every process, couple, and surrogate is different, the circumstances differ and so do worldviews. I would never forego this connection.

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