I really believe in sending gifts to the donor, to the surrogate, to her children and even to the surrogate’s spouse. It helps strengthen your connection and acknowledges the people that really deserve it. Especially when the connection is from across the world, and you can’t be there for her all the time.
The gifts don’t need to be expensive (I would even be wary of extravagant gifts that may be misinterpreted), but definitely put some thought into them and attach a nice greeting card. Remember that there are a lot of milestones in the process (birthdays, embryo transfer, pregnancy tests, holidays, etc.), so it’s important that you consider this and don’t splurge on expensive gifts for each event.
A few ideas, from my own experience: One of my more successful gifts was ordering a festive ice cream package for the surrogate’s family through a company that delivers ice cream pints. The company lets you design the package online, name the ice cream flavors - it’s really cute because I named each pint flavor after a different family member (like “Michael-icious”, “Cranberries Gavin”, etc.).
Not celebrating Christmas ourselves, I learned that the actual gift for Christmas is less relevant and what matters most is an effusive greeting, because the gift will sit under the tree along with 10 more presents (seriously), and that it’s better to have a few small parcels than one large one - because they get opened, the family gets excited, and then the gifts get tossed aside to open the next one.
For other events (birthdays, positive pregnancy test, or another milestone that isn’t necessarily related to the process but to the surrogate’s personal life), it’s important to aim for something that will make her feel good - maybe a mani-pedi, maybe a massage (just make sure that it’s a massage that’s suitable for pregnant women!), or even just a fun gift box with food or toiletries. If you want to showcase your local cultural pride, go for it. In my Israeli case, Amazon had a lot of Dead Sea cosmetic products .
Here’s a tip - mention the surrogate’s kids’ names on the greeting cards. Show her that you see the big picture and acknowledge her whole family’s contribution to building your family.
