The connection to your egg donor is a possible option in some of the countries where surrogacy processes take place. I think that this connection is a huge advantage for the children, and it also has a positive effect on you, the parents. It’s also important to take the special circumstances into account and to ensure that everything is laid out in the legal contract so that the children, you, and also the donor, are legally protected.
In the United States, for example, an egg donation is anchored in a legal contract, which states that the donor will have no future claim to the child, and of course you will also not have any future parental demands from the donor. In order for the terms to be understood and agreed upon in advance, it’s important to verify that the donor is given proper legal representation and clear instruction before signing the contract. That way, you’ll know that she is aware of everything she is signing for.
If the donation is anonymous, it’s the clinic’s duty to ensure that the egg donor signs a similar contract, without you being in direct correspondence with her. Also in a case like that, consult with your lawyer regarding signing an anonymous contract between you and the donor, and understand whether there are any potential future legal implications. Remember that the donor also has concerns that one day you’ll come with requests and demands regarding the children, so the motive is mutual, and it’s done in good faith. The more specific you are about defining the nature of your future correspondence, verbally and legally, the more pleasant the relationship will be for everyone.
In a contract that defines your relationship, you can introduce additional clauses that will be acceptable to all parties, but it’s important to remember that people can change their minds over time. Even if you agreed to introduce her to the children at some point in the future, for example, at the moment of truth the donor may not want to, even though she committed to it in the contract. And maybe you won’t feel a need even though you committed to a meeting. Maybe you promised to send a photo every year and suddenly you don’t feel comfortable with that anymore? So it’s important to maintain flexibility and be humane when you sign the contract.
Also read “Can I meet with my egg donor?”
