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Gay Dads' Guide to Being in the Delivery Room with Your Surrogate

Due date is coming closer, and if you're about to join your surrogate in the delivery room, you’re probably feeling a mix of excitement and nerves. The birth of your child is a monumental occasion, and being well-prepared can help ensure everything goes smoothly. Here are some tips on what to do, what to avoid, and how to support your surrogate effectively during this special time.


Open Communication and setting expectations

Before the big day, sit down with your surrogate to discuss her preferences and yours. Talk about who will be in the delivery room, who gets to cut the umbilical cord, and other important details. Clear communication helps everyone feel comfortable and ready for the day. You can read more about birth plan in my blog with some ideas of things to discuss and avoid surprises.


Get Ready

Take a tour of the hospital ahead of time so you know the layout and what to expect. Pack a bag with essentials like legal documents, contact info, comfort items (think cozy sweaters or slippers), and something to pass the time during any waiting periods. If possible, arrange for a nearby room where you can relax after the baby is born.


Be a Support System

During labor, your main job is to support your surrogate. Offer words of encouragement, be there to hold her hand, and help with anything she needs. Simple acts like fetching ice chips or helping her find a comfortable position can make a big difference. Respect her space if she needs time alone with her family or medical team.


Follow Hospital Rules

Hospitals have specific guidelines about who can be in the delivery room, especially if a C-section is needed. Make sure to follow these rules to ensure a safe delivery. Stay in touch with the medical staff and respect their instructions.


Capture the Moment

If it's okay with everyone involved, take some photos or videos of the birth. These can be cherished memories for you and your surrogate. Just make sure to discuss this beforehand and ensure everyone is comfortable with it, and what is the level of comfort of everyone.


Bonding Time

After your baby is born, you'll probably get the first chance to hold them. Skin-to-skin contact is highly recommended, so wear a front-buttoning shirt for easy access. Allow your surrogate some time to hold and say goodbye to the baby if she wishes; this can be an important part of her emotional journey.


Show Your Gratitude

Express your appreciation for your surrogate’s incredible gift. A personalized gift or a heartfelt thank you note can go a long way. If you’ve agreed to stay in touch, consider setting up a plan for regular updates and photos. This can help maintain a positive relationship and honor the bond formed during this journey.


Stay Calm and Flexible

Birth plans can change unexpectedly. Stay calm and flexible, and be prepared for any adjustments. Whether it’s an emergency C-section or a longer labor, your calm presence will help create a supportive environment for everyone involved.


By being prepared, communicative, and supportive, you can help ensure a positive and memorable birth experience. Good luck, and congratulations on your growing family!


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