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Welcoming a New Sibling Through Surrogacy: Tips for Gay Dads

If you're about to welcome a new addition to your family via surrogacy, big congratulations are in order! This is an exciting time, but it can also be a bit overwhelming for your older child. As two dads navigating this journey, it's essential to make sure your child feels included, loved, and ready for the upcoming changes. Here are some fun and practical tips to help prepare your child for their new sibling.


Start the Conversation Early

Begin talking to your child about their new sibling as soon as possible. Explain the surrogacy process in simple, age-appropriate terms. For instance, you could say, “Daddy and I are having another baby, and a wonderful lady is helping us by carrying the baby in her tummy.” Keep the conversation ongoing, encouraging your child to ask questions and express their feelings.


Make Them Part of the Process

Include your child in the surrogacy journey. Show them ultrasound pictures, let them help pick out baby clothes, and, if feasible, arrange for them to meet the surrogate. These activities can help your child feel connected to the process and excited about their new sibling.


Read Together

Find children's books that discuss becoming an older sibling. Reading these stories together can help your child understand what to expect and make the concept of a new sibling more relatable. Opt for books that showcase diverse families, including ones with two dads.


Meet the Surrogate

If your surrogate is open to it, arrange a visit, or even a Zoom call. Even with language barriers if you are international, it still will be an opportunity to see her, and seeing her growing belly can make the process more real for your child. This visit can also help them appreciate the surrogate's significant role in bringing their new sibling into the world.


Celebrate the Big Sibling

Highlight your child's new role as an older sibling. Celebrate this milestone with a special “big brother” or “big sister” gift. This makes them feel important and valued, reinforcing their special place in your family.


Acknowledge Their Emotions

Be prepared for a range of emotions from your child. They might be thrilled one moment and anxious the next. Let them know that it's okay to feel however they feel and reassure them that your love for them won't change with the arrival of the new baby.


One-on-One Time

As the due date approaches, make sure to carve out special one-on-one time with your older child. This reassures them that they’re still a priority and helps maintain a strong bond. Plan activities that they love, ensuring they feel valued and loved.


Prepare for Changes

Help your child understand that some things will change with the new baby’s arrival. Practice scenarios where the baby needs attention and discuss how they can help. For instance, “When the baby is feeding, you can sit with us and read a book.” This makes them feel included and teaches them about sharing your attention.


Keep Routines Steady

Maintain your child's routines as much as possible. Consistency helps children feel secure during transitions. If any routines will change after the baby arrives, start adjusting them gradually before the birth to ease the transition.


Include Them in the Celebration

When the baby is born, involve your older child in welcoming their new sibling. Let them hold the baby with supervision, help with small tasks, and be part of the celebrations. This strengthens their bond with the new baby and reinforces their role in the family.


Emphasize the Positives

Focus on the fun aspects of having a new sibling. Talk about all the exciting things they’ll be able to do together, like playing, sharing toys, and looking out for each other. This helps your child look forward to the new addition.


Remember, every child is unique, and their reactions to a new sibling will vary. The key is to be patient, loving, and supportive throughout this process. You're building a wonderful, loving family, and your children will thrive with the strong foundation you're creating. Best of luck, and enjoy this special journey!


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