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First meeting with the egg donor or surrogate

The first meeting or Zoom/Skype call is meant as an introduction, to say hello and create a rapport. You can raise one or two topics that are most important to you, but it’s best not to pull out the legal contract just yet. This is the time to test the chemistry between you and to get a feel for the other person, just like on a first date.

Roy and myself like to talk, we’re warm, gesticulate with our hands and don’t hide our emotions. Maybe you’ll meet someone who you’ll have an immediate click with, or maybe it’ll take some time. Don’t forget that it’s a different mentality, so don’t be alarmed if the conversation is awkward at first. The coordinator from the clinic will guide you throughout the meeting and she’ll know what to do if this happens.

Start the conversation by telling her about yourselves, and feel free to add details beyond work and age - your favorite Netflix shows, hobbies, things you like to do together, who’s the cook at home, say a few words about your extended family, etc. Let her feel comfortable to ask you questions.

Like on a first date, the conversation will quickly reach a stage where she’ll want to talk about herself. You should prepare a few questions in advance that will help her understand that you are genuinely interested in her and appreciate her part in the process. Ask her easy and polite questions in a positive way that will help her open up and speak more comfortably and freely with you. You can ask her what she does in her free time, or address something special that you noticed about her from her profile.

The donor and the surrogate are two women who play an important role in creating your family. Although they receive financial compensation, the vast majority do it out of a sense of altruism as well. They will undergo endless assessments, injections, medications, and medical tests, background checks, and home visits. The egg retrieval is done under general anesthesia and the pregnancy is a long and challenging journey for the surrogate. It’s important to acknowledge their efforts and express your gratitude, to stress how significant and important they are to you in the process.

Personally, me and my spouse met with our chosen donor for the first time on a video call. The call was a bit awkward at first since we were essentially strangers, and yet our lives were about to merge. It was a light and pleasant call, which gave us the opportunity to ask about our future connection as well, what she thought about being connected on social media, and a few other things we wanted to know.

Later, on one of our visits to the United States we met her for a drink. A few minutes into the meeting, after the atmosphere (and the alcohol) loosened us up a bit, we had a great talk. We asked questions to avoid awkward silences, we talked about ourselves, about the process, a bit of politics and weather, and there was the incredibly exciting realization that we would be connected forever. We thanked her immensely and made it clear how amazing we thought her actions were and of course we took a lot of photos together for the future family album.

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