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Gifts for the surrogate

The relationship with the surrogate will be long and significant. One of the most important things in this process is to make your surrogate feel as comfortable as possible with you, so that she knows that even though you are far away, you are always aware of and appreciate what she’s doing for you. Giving your surrogate a gift is the best way to show her that you’re there for her, that you’re thinking about her, appreciate her, and to make her feel good about you and about herself, and about the pregnancy that she is carrying for you.

Note that there will be a lot of opportunities throughout the journey to give a gift and you need to choose the best timing, otherwise you’ll find yourself sending gifts all the time, and this can lose its effect and create a sense of patronage (her birthday, her husband’s birthday, embryo transfer day, the day the contract is signed, confirmation of pregnancy, starting medication, holidays, and so on and so forth).

I highly recommend adding a thoughtful greeting card, it’s even more meaningful than the gift and it fosters closeness, and it’s important for the surrogate to know that you didn’t just order something from Amazon but that you’re thinking about her and realize the gravity of what she’s doing for you.

The surrogate is raising her own children and like with every pregnancy - the entire family will be affected, and so family gifts or those that focus on the children is the safest bet for showing your surrogate that you also appreciate the sacrifice her family is making. Toys, sweets, books, or computer games, even a small gift for her spouse, will show her that you see the bigger picture from the family’s perspective.

With regards to how much you should spend, you’ll already know according to the nature of your relationship with the surrogate and your personal acquaintance with her. Anything “feelgood”, from a small piece of jewelry to a voucher for a pregnancy massage (note that not every massage is suitable for pregnant women!), a spa day, mani-pedi, etc. Basically anything to make her feel nice during the tribulations of pregnancy. When she arrives at the clinic for the embryo transfer, you can send a box of chocolates or fruit basket to her hotel, something small that shows you’re thinking about her. The gifts don’t need to be extravagant, and if you want to spend more for certain occasions, then her birthday and the baby’s birth day are the most appropriate special events for that. You can also ask a coordinator from the agency to recommend something special she would like.

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