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Lack of a mother figure for the children?


Let’s first differentiate, because it’s important: lack of a female figure or lack of a mother figure? It’s not the same thing.

Lack of a mother figure - we all have a bit of mother in us. We all have maternal functions. It’s not like in the past when the father would go out to hunt and the mother would stay home to raise the kids...


These are different times and obviously in the type of family we choose to have, we know and want to provide the same qualities that we all associate as maternal: embrace, warmth, support, understanding, cooking, etc.

And if you mean a lack of a female figure: It’s important to remember that sparkles and braids are not enough. Girls need an older female to look up to and admire, naturally. Also with boys it’s important to recognize the importance of women in their lives. But don’t worry about a lack of female figures. We all have grandmothers and female friends, and also the education system is still comprised mostly of females (teachers). They will have exposure.


Our job is to enable this, and not be alarmed by it. If the child/ren admire a female figure like a good friend of yours or an aunt, then embrace it and don’t feel threatened. Understand that this doesn’t mean that you aren’t good parents. It’s healthy development and should be initiated even if it doesn’t happen naturally.


Remember, it’s not a substitute mother, but rather a girl power figure.

Your little boys may also develop a special connection with one of your friends, uncles, or nephews. They’ll look up to them and want to spend time with a macho figure because there may not be one like that at home. They may try to emulate them and adopt some of their mannerisms. Don’t be alarmed by this either, and don’t try to stop it. It’s absolutely fine and it’s a developmental need that doesn’t indicate a deficiency in the children’s relationship with you, but rather a healthy curiosity and normal development.



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