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We have a friend who wants to be our surrogate

Similar to the question of whether to go for a second round with the same surrogate without an agency

You have a good friend who wants to be your surrogate? No problem... But you have to consider the following:

  • She’ll have to obtain all the approvals from your clinic.

  • She’ll need to comply with the laws in the country where the process is being conducted.

  • If your goal in doing do is to lower the cost of the process, then remember that if the process with the friend fails and you have to go back to square one, it’ll be at a stage where you have already spent a large sum of money on her flights to the clinic, her stay there, maybe babysitting fees and so forth.

Assuming that everything works out and she meets all the criteria, always take into account that in a process such as this, you will occasionally be very stressed, angry, happy, and impatient, and this may put a strain on your friendship.

My advice is to beware of embarking on such a process without compensating, even if she insists and her intentions are good and pure. First of all, she deserves it. There are a lot of emotional challenges here, even beyond the actual pregnancy. She’ll miss days of work, she’ll give herself injections that will prepare her for the pregnancy, she’ll go from test to test and undergo countless medical and psychological examinations. You’ll feel very uncomfortable about your good friend having to undergo such an arduous process without any compensation, so I recommend deciding on a sum that both parties feel comfortable with. It will also make easier when you need to ask for something, and avoid the situation of “I don’t feel comfortable asking her to do that, she’s doing it for us for free...”.

Another recommendation is to consider taking an agency that will manage the process, and thus make the communication between you easier and also broker the process with the various parties (insurance companies, hospitals, local clinics, etc.). An agency’s assistance will make things so much easier, also in cases where at some point it may be necessary to replace the surrogate/company. This way you’ll already be represented by a professional agency that does the work for you.


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