Tool
The Compass — a pre-journey questionnaire
Before any agency, clinic or donor — what actually matters to you? Answer alone or as a couple (each separately!), and get one document: where you're aligned, and where a conversation is waiting. Saved in your browser only.
How it works
- Write your name — and if you're a couple, add your partner with the plus.
- As a couple — each answers separately, no peeking. That's the whole magic: the honest answers come before the coordination, not after.
- The 1–5 scale = how true or important this is for me. Stance questions always include "not decided yet" — a fully legitimate answer.
- At the end — the Compass document: aligned points, gaps worth talking about, and the open answers side by side. Print or save as PDF.
Who is filling this in?
Us
Before providers, donors and contracts — a moment on yourselves.
- I want to start as soon as possible.Not at allVery much
- How much will we share the journey with people around us?
- A genetic link to the child:
- The baby's sex:
- How many children do we picture at the end of the road?The answer here directly affects how many embryos it's worth creating.
- A twin pregnancy:A twin pregnancy is classified high-risk — for prematurity and complications. It's a decision made with open eyes, together with the clinic and the surrogate.
- Flights and time away — who can travel, for which stages, and for how long? (first thoughts)
Genetics & health
Questions that are nicer to answer from the couch than on an urgent call mid-pregnancy. No right answers here — only stances worth discovering early.
- Are there known genetic or hereditary conditions in my family?
- If there are — what should we look into before creating embryos?
- Expanded carrier screening before we start matters to me.Not at allVery much
- My stance on termination in case of a severe medical finding:This stance will come up in the surrogacy contract too — better to know it first.
- My stance on selective reduction in a multiple pregnancy:
The egg donor
How much each of these matters to me in choosing a donor — before we open a database and drown in profiles.
- Physical resemblance to us or our family.Not at allVery much
- Education and achievements.Not at allVery much
- As clean a family medical history as possible.Not at allVery much
- Previous successful, documented donations.Not at allVery much
- Video and recent photos in the profile.Not at allVery much
- When our child one day asks about the donor:
- What else matters to me in a donor? Purely physical preferences — height, eye color, a smile — are a fine reason too. In my own words:
The surrogate
The longest, most intimate relationship of the journey. What matters to me in it — before there's a name and a face.
- Previous experience as a surrogate.Not at allVery much
- The kind of relationship I'd want during the pregnancy:
- And after the birth:
- Values and worldview similar to ours.Not at allVery much
- A strong support system around her — family or close friends.Not at allVery much
- Her openness to a future sibling journey with us.Not at allVery much
- Our presence at the birth itself.Not at allVery much
- My red lines in a match?
The clinic
- Speed — being able to start right away.Not at allVery much
- A guarantee package, even if it costs more.Not at allVery much
- Direct communication with the doctor, not only the team.Not at allVery much
- A large donor pool as a central factor in choosing the clinic.Not at allVery much
- Open questions I have for clinics?
The Compass document
Both your answers, side by side. Marked rows = a gap worth a conversation.
| Name 1 | Name 2 | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Us | |||
| I want to start as soon as possible. | — | — | |
| How much will we share the journey with people around us? | — | — | |
| A genetic link to the child: | — | — | |
| The baby's sex: | — | — | |
| How many children do we picture at the end of the road? | — | — | |
| A twin pregnancy: | — | — | |
| Flights and time away — who can travel, for which stages, and for how long? (first thoughts) | — | — | |
| Genetics & health | |||
| Are there known genetic or hereditary conditions in my family? | — | — | |
| If there are — what should we look into before creating embryos? | — | — | |
| Expanded carrier screening before we start matters to me. | — | — | |
| My stance on termination in case of a severe medical finding: | — | — | |
| My stance on selective reduction in a multiple pregnancy: | — | — | |
| The egg donor | |||
| Physical resemblance to us or our family. | — | — | |
| Education and achievements. | — | — | |
| As clean a family medical history as possible. | — | — | |
| Previous successful, documented donations. | — | — | |
| Video and recent photos in the profile. | — | — | |
| When our child one day asks about the donor: | — | — | |
| What else matters to me in a donor? Purely physical preferences — height, eye color, a smile — are a fine reason too. In my own words: | — | — | |
| The surrogate | |||
| Previous experience as a surrogate. | — | — | |
| The kind of relationship I'd want during the pregnancy: | — | — | |
| And after the birth: | — | — | |
| Values and worldview similar to ours. | — | — | |
| A strong support system around her — family or close friends. | — | — | |
| Her openness to a future sibling journey with us. | — | — | |
| Our presence at the birth itself. | — | — | |
| My red lines in a match? | — | — | |
| The clinic | |||
| Speed — being able to start right away. | — | — | |
| A guarantee package, even if it costs more. | — | — | |
| Direct communication with the doctor, not only the team. | — | — | |
| A large donor pool as a central factor in choosing the clinic. | — | — | |
| Open questions I have for clinics? | — | — | |
Saved automatically in your browser
You have a compass. Let's plan a route with it.
This document is exactly what I like to see before a first consultation — instead of starting from zero, we start from what matters to you.