One of the journey''s surprising moments is discovering you can miss someone who hasn''t been born yet. The pregnancy happens far away, the bump grows in photos — and still, there are many ways to be there. Here are a few that work, from the experience of many families (and mine).
Be at the ultrasound — from your couch
Most clinics and surrogates will happily bring you into scans on a video call. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time through a phone is a moment you don''t forget — and it''s a lovely moment for the relationship too: you are there, without being there.
And sometimes it just won''t work out — no reception in the exam room, or the person doing the scan isn''t comfortable with a live call. Even then there''s a simple fix: ask your surrogate to film a short clip, or to photograph the ultrasound''s photo printout for you and send it. Which, by the way, also stays with you as a keepsake.
Sounds from home
Here''s something magical: you can ask your surrogate to play the bump music and songs from home — the lullabies you''ll sing, the playlist that runs in your kitchen. Babies hear in the last trimester, and familiar sounds will be waiting for them on the day they''re born. Dedicated belly speakers exist (not a medical device — a sweet bonding toy), but honestly? A phone on speaker does the same job.
Small milestones, together
"What fruit are they this week?" — the pregnancy apps everyone knows work wonderfully for faraway parents too. Following the weeks together with your surrogate, celebrating the first kick, sending a photo of the nursery taking shape. These small milestones turn a distant pregnancy into a shared story — and give your conversations another layer beyond the medical updates.
And it''s for her too
Everything here does one more thing, just as important: it shows your surrogate that you are IN this. Your steady emotional presence — without flooding her, at a pace she''s comfortable with — is one of the greatest gifts you can give her across these nine months. Carrying for someone who is present and excited is an entirely different experience from carrying for an email address.
And if somewhere in the middle there''s a quiet week when nobody has energy for calls — that''s completely fine too. I wrote about that in the hormones post.
