"We signed with the agency eight months ago and still no match. Is that normal?" – if I had a dollar for every time I've been asked this... So let's talk honestly about the most frustrating wait of the journey: the wait for a surrogate.
First of all, yes – it's normal. In recent years, demand for surrogates in the U.S. has grown much faster than supply. Fewer women apply, medical requirements have tightened (rightly so!), and of all the candidates who approach an agency, only a small percentage pass every screening stage: a healthy obstetric history, medical exams, psychological evaluation, background checks, financial and family stability. That funnel, which feels like torture while you wait, is exactly what protects you later.
So what determines the wait? Three main things. First: your agency's supply-demand ratio – ask how many parents are currently waiting and how many matches the agency made in the past year. An agency with 200 waiting couples and 30 matches a year – do the math yourself. Second: your embryos. Parents who arrive with embryos ready and tested match faster, because surrogates (and agencies) prefer a journey that won't stall. Third, and most in your control: your flexibility.
Flexibility deserves a pause. Every requirement you add – one specific state only, a specific age, specific views on vaccines or termination, a specific type of relationship – shrinks the pool. Some requirements truly are critical (alignment on termination views is not something to compromise on!), but others are preferences you can soften. Distinguishing "must have" from "nice to have" can save you months.
And before you envy that couple in your group who matched within a month: a fast match is not necessarily a good match. Better to wait three more months for a rigorously screened surrogate you feel comfortable with, than to accept a quick "match" that falls apart later and sends you back to square one – wiser, but also more exhausted.
My tip: use the waiting period well – finish creating your embryos, sort out insurance, save a bit more, and prepare the Israeli paperwork. That way, when the match arrives, you leap forward instead of starting to get organized.
Good luck and good health!
